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Practice these 5 steps when you’re heading into a challenging conversation or find yourself in the midst of hearing some TRUTH that you may not be quite ready to fully receive. They will minimize unnecessary negativity, defensiveness, and miscommunication.
1. Stay Open
Often when we are in difficult or uncomfortable situations, we tense up and subtly begin to tighten or contract and therefore shut down. Keep noticing your deep, full breathing and open body posture so that you can stay open to receive what is being said.
2. Suspend Judgement
Allow the information to simply be stated with no need to analyze it, label it good or bad, or defend yourself. Suspend your judgment with no need to respond or be right.
3. Pay Attention
Respect the person in front of you with your full, undivided attention. Their opinion is just as important as yours. In order to fully comprehend, watch your partner’s body language and listen to the tone of their voice, as well as the words.
4. Listen for the Ring of Truth
When someone is spinning their tale, or offering constructive feedback, there is usually at least a kernel of truth. Listen for the piece of their story that “lands” in your body. This is the important piece to identify and pull out to work with.
5. Reflect What You Heard
Perhaps the most crucial step in this process is to reflect right back to your partner what you just heard. State it simply, with no embellishments or interpretations…just repeat to make sure you got their message. You can simply state, “Just to be clear, what I heard you say was…Is that correct?” Give your partner the chance to clarify any points that you missed.